Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
