I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
