you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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