Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
