it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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