eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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