so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
