hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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