I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
