If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
