I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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