just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
