Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
