You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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