Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
