i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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