kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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