Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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