How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Randomize
