dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I didn't notice because vodka
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
