i just had sex bonerless
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
