We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just had sex on a roof
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
