Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This baby is an asshole
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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