guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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