i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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