When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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