I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
