how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
