his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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