i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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