theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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