Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
