Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
