1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
