Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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