I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You smell like stripper and shame
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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