This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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