That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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