She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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