I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
