Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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