ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
