I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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