I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
