Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
