apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
