i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
