I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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