I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
