dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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