do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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