So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
