Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
