One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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