i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
