Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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