He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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